My approach

Foundation

I believe that the core foundation for a person to grow on is the structure and ability to show up for everyday life. This represents the basic functioning necessary to feel secure and confident in the ability to move forward. Things such as getting out of bed, going to sleep on time, eating, and exercise may seem rudimentary and without depth. Nevertheless, I believe it is impossible to do deep work without some level of active engagement in these areas. Therefore, at the beginning and throughout therapy, I believe it is important to help my clients confront and manage these aspects of their life. As that progresses, it can mean anything from learning to get out of bed and set up a bedtime, to beginning to manage and plan finances. By building a strong foundation in the area of basic functioning, we become able to move on and continue doing deeper work.

The Deeper Work

Simultaneously, it is important to do the deeper work as we build the foundation. As we confront areas that are difficult, there will always be a layer of insecurity and old stories that shows up. This may appear as anxiety, fear, shame, or any number of difficult emotional experiences. One of the first layers of identification is the somatic awareness of what is happening inside our own bodies, which brings us to a greater depth of emotional awareness. As we begin to tap into this realm of ourselves, we begin to unlock parts of us that may have been hidden from earlier times in our life. This is where we begin to do the attachment and trauma work, looking back into our past and understanding how we became the person that we are. As we do this, we are able to process and let go of old stories carried by younger parts of ourselves, and release some of the burdens we may have carried for a long time. We become lighter, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and the simple daily tasks that may have been difficult before can also become easier.

Relationships

As we unlock a greater depth of understanding of self and our own emotions, we become able to access and engage a greater depth in our intimate relationships. Sometimes a person comes into therapy already married or in a long-term relationship, and other times they are seeking that out. Therefore, an integral aspect of therapy is the ability to explore the current relationship and give space for the partner's experience of us. When we open ourselves up to this process, we learn more about ourselves. And as we learn to access our past story and emotional experience, this opens up the opportunity to better communicate our inner life in an intimate and vulnerable way. As this becomes more frequent and comfortable, it creates a greater depth in the relationship, where both parties' needs and desires are being met in a deeper way.

Repair

When there has been damage in a relationship, it becomes possible to take ownership over the relationship because there is an emotional honesty that is now being built. The repair work itself comes from vulnerability and the free expression of pain in a safe environment. Healing occurs when both parties are able to meet and see each other without defensiveness. As you gain access to yourself, it becomes possible to engage in this sort of process, and from it springs a sense of true unity and fulfillment.

Purpose

Throughout the therapy process, I believe that the engine which drives us forward is being in touch with our own personal sense of mission and purpose. The therapy room is an essential space that can and should be used to explore what it is that drives us forward. Practically, this means understanding not just what went wrong, but also why it is that we keep fighting and moving forward. For some people it is a relationship that is important to them, for others a job or career purpose, and for others still it could be a hobby or some sort of meaningful experience. My job in therapy is to help you explore and figure out what that is.

What Changes

As you undergo the process of therapy, a few things will subtly begin to take place. First, there will be a greater sense and awareness of what is happening inside of you. What was once an overwhelming sense of anxiety will show itself to be a conflict between different parts of yourself, and desires pulling in different directions. As this awareness deepens, you will be better able to manage difficult emotions with understanding and compassion for yourself. This allows for a greater range of ability to make choices that benefit your own life. Even simple tasks, such as getting out of bed or choosing to eat a healthy meal, are made easier when we have a true sense of our own inner conflicts. As this depth of awareness increases, you will be able to take care of parts of yourself that were damaged, knowingly and unknowingly, in the past. Finally, you will be able to better plan and create a future based on the values you have identified for yourself. This leads to an overall better sense of self that can be brought forward in order to connect with another.